Experience
"ALTHOUGH I HAVE NEVER WISHED TO BE ECCENTRIC, OR WEAR WHAT IS ABSOLUTELY TABOOED, I HAVE BEEN ABLE IN MY RETIREMENT TO BE MORE COMPACT IN MY DRESS, LESS BEFLOUNCED AND BEFURBELOWED, LESS HEELED AND LESS TRAINED, THAN THOSE WHOM FASHION (CIRCE AS SHE IS) THOROUGHLY INTOXICATES.
"PURPOSING TO VISIT A FRIEND IN NEW YORK, I WAS ADVISED BY MRS. MODISH (A FRIEND JUST RETURNED FROM EUROPE) TO HAVE A COSTUME MADE ACCORDING TO CUSTOM, AND OBLIGINGLY DIRECTED BY HER TO A NEW DRESSMAKER, MRS. TRIM, WHO HAD JUST OPENED AN ESTABLISHMENT IN OUR VILLAGE. I WAS OBLIGED TO DELAY GOING FOR A FORTNIGHT, AS THE INNUMERABLE RUFFLES REQUIRED SO MUCH TIME. WHEN THE BILL WAS SENT, MY HEART DIED WITHIN ME, FOR, IN ORDER TO DISCHARGE IT, I WAS OBLIGED TO SPEND NEARLY ALL MY QUARTERLY ALLOWANCE AND DENY MYSELF THE PLEASURE I HAD ANTICIPATED OF BUYING PRESENTS IN NEW YORK FOR MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS. THE SUNDAY BEFORE I LEFT HOME, I PUT ON MY NEW DRESS AND WENT TO CHURCH. HAVING ALWAYS APPEARED IN A SIMPLE COSTUME, I MUST HAVE PRESENTED A RIDICULOUS APPEARANCE, FOR THE BOYS OF THE PLACE USED ME AS A WHET-STONE TO SHARPEN THEIR WITS UPON. AS WE NEARED THE SCHOOL-HOUSE, THEY RUSHED OUT FROM SUNDAY-SCHOOL, ONE CALLING OUT, 'HUMPTY DUMPTY;' ANOTHER, 'TAG, RAG, AND BOBTAIL.' ONE ASKED IF I HAD ESCAPED FROM THE MENAGERIE, WHERE DROMEDARIES AND ZEBRAS WERE EXHIBITED; AND TOM SMITH SANG IN A LOW VOICE, FOR FEAR OF HIS TEACHER, THE 'CAMPBELLS ARE COMING,' WITH A WORLD OF MISCHIEF IN HIS EYE.
"WHEN I RETURNED, MY COUSIN ASKED WHY I CHOSE A QUIET SUNDAY FOR BEING IN A BUSTLE; WHAT ANIMAL WAS MOST ACCUSTOMED TO BEARING PANIERS, AND WHY I SHOULD GO ON A BENDER. GRANDMAMMA DID NOT EVEN SMILE AT HIS VULGARITY, BUT SAID GRAVELY, 'MY DEAR SILICIA, WHY SHOULD WOMEN FOLLOW EXPENSIVE, ABSURD, AND UNWHOLESOME CUSTOMS? A DRESS TAKES TWICE AS MUCH MATERIAL AND MORE THAN TWICE THE TIME TO MAKE NOW AS WHEN I WAS YOUNG. THE SMALL, HIGH HEELS CRAMP THE MOVEMENT, INJURE THE CARRIAGE OF THE PERSON, AND OFTEN DEFORM THE FEET. THE BEND GIVEN TO THE BODY BY THE EXTREME FULLNESS OF THE SKIRT BEHIND IS VERY UNGRACEFUL. THERE IS NO BEAUTY IN THE PRESENT STYLE, AND LEAVING ASIDE THE AWKWARDNESS OF THE DESIGN, ONE WOULD SUPPOSE THE SHACKLING OF THE LIMBS AND THE OPPRESSIVE HEAVINESS OF THE DRESS, ON SO DELICATE A PART OF THE BODY AS THE SPINE, WOULD DETER WOMEN FROM SUCH FATUITY.' GRANDMA IS RATHER JOHNSONIAN. SHE TOOK FROM HER WRITING DESK A PAPER, SAYING, 'WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO A SERMON, FROM WHICH I WAS DEPRIVED BY INDISPOSITION, I HAVE BEEN WRITING ONE WHICH WAS, MY DEAR, SUGGESTED BY YOUR APPEARANCE.' THIS I WILL NOT SUBSCRIBE, FOR I WAS VERY MUCH MORTIFIED, PARTICULARLY WHEN SHE RANG THE BELL FOR BETTY, AND TOLD HER TO SWEEP UP THE DUST. 'LOOK AT YOUR TRAIN, SILICIA; YOU HAVE BROUGHT MORE DIRT INTO THE HOUSE THAN I HAVE SEEN FOR MONTHS.' I RETIRED TO SHAKE MY SKIRTS, EASE MY FEET, AND MAKE MYSELF COMFORTABLE. MY OLD DRESS SEEMED BY COMPARISON QUITE CHARMING. WHEN I CAME DOWN TO DINNER, MY DEAR OLD RELATIVE LOOKED AT MY SWOLLEN EYES WITH COMPASSION, AND SAID, 'DO NOT BE UNHAPPY, MY DEAR--YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR WISHING TO BE IN FASHION, BUT I THINK YOU WILL ACKNOWLEDGE THE INCONVENIENCE OF GOING TO EXTREMES,' THEN TAKING OUT HER PURSE (WHICH WAS MUCH MORE WELCOME THAN HER SERMON), SHE GAVE ME THE AMOUNT OF THE DRESS, AND ADVISED ME TO LEAVE IT FOR THE FRENCH MAID OF MY COUSIN IN NEW YORK, WHEN I HAD FINISHED MY VISIT. I GAVE HER A HEARTY KISS, AND TOLD HER I SHOULD WRITE A SHORT ACCOUNT OF MY ADVENTURE AND LEAVE IT WITH HER TO PUT IN SHAPE FOR YOUR MAGAZINE. PLEASE OBLIGE BY PUBLISHING THIS.
YOUR FRIEND AND READER,
SILICIA MARSH.
HR 1872